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..by the way i push you away.<3
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[02 Nov 2004|11:49am] |
hmm.. debating weather or not i should keep this thing still. i barely ever update and usually when i do i`m always angry or mad or sad or something like that.. i guess we'll see.. comments anyone? on what you guys think? not that anyone ever does -- thats another reason i might ditch it.. hmm, oh well.
xox,michelle.
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| and all of this - was all you're fault.. |
[31 Oct 2004|12:54am] |
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 listless |
] |
..welp, i've leanred one thing in life. most people can not be trusted and usually when they screw up once they continue to do so. but, for some reason -- i continue to give everyone chances.. not just one or two but three or four. i've now realized that i can't do that. it only hurts me. i need to talk to some people and let them realize that i will not be dealing with this anymore.. they're fucking with me and i dont want to deal with it anymore. i just -- wont. they wanna be friends with me fine, but dont just come around when its convienent for you.
i cant even write this right now. it's making me so annoyed, angry, frustrated.. upset. i just wont. i cant believe people. i really cant sometimes. "she's not weird - she's just, been through a lot".. thats what's said about me. yeah, i have been through a lot and you know what if that makes me "weird" than so be it. i'd rather be fucking weird than be like the rest of you. who wants to be like you guys. who wants to be like everyone else? i dont. id rather not fuck up my life thank you.
me - michelle. i'm changing. but i'm not changing to be like all you. im getting as far away from "you people" as possible. the halloween thing is off tomorrow. im done. unless you really want to hang out with me just cause you like me and youre really my friend- than you can come over. but if you think there will be alcohol or drugs or anything here - there will not be any of that. so dont bother knocking on my door. dont show your face. nothing...
im going. im exhausted. tonight was just - weird. im gonna go shower and than hit the sack for the night. mmkay, talk to you all whenever i get a chance to do this thing again. bye, love you.<3
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[28 Oct 2004|05:48pm] |
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mood |
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what you do on your own times just fine
my imaginations much worse
i just never wanna know..
<3
please just don't play with me
my p a p e r h e a r t will bleed.
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[25 Oct 2004|11:20pm] |
RiP AUNT CATHRYN..<3
YOU'RE MiSSED ALREADY. FOREVER IN
OUR MEMORiES AND iN OUR HEARTS, XOX.
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| what you do on your own times just fine - my imaginations much worse - i just never want to know.. |
[23 Oct 2004|06:11pm] |
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 annoyed, angry, upset.. |
] |
Michelle looked around her room and sighed, she had just eaten dinner and the topic of conversation ruined that for her and created a complete loss of appetite and an un-easy feeling in her stomach. this was not her idea of a great family dinner. She got up, obviously annoyed and she no longer wanted to hear anything anyone had to say.. She thought in the quiet of her room, it's times like these when i want to kill him. She questioned, is that wrong? is it bad when you want you're own flesh and blood to suffer? Than she thought again, no it's nothing like that- she only wanted to help. He needed help, he had since she was about tweleve and old enough to understand everything that was going on.. She couldn't take it anymore, went on her computer - put on her music, and decided to write in her jounral to get everything out a little bit.
I really can't take this bullshit anymore. I need to get out of here. Melissa called, I'm going to go babysitting with her - thank god. shes a lifesaver, and right now honestly - if it weren't for her.. i know what i'd be doing right now. something bad, something i haven't done in a long time - something i never want to do again. i dont want to watch that blade touch my skin ever again. Melissa, thank you.. you are amazing. Well, like i said, i need to get out of here, I just needed to get some stuff out and vent a little bit. And.. I guess I did that. Maybe I'll update later, maybe I won't. Who knows. Talk to ya`ll whenever.. goodbye. i love you.<3
..She sighed - but this time a sigh of relief. She looked at the time, grabed her cell phone, did a last minute touch up of lipgloss and eyeliner.. turned off her music, thought about if she had everything she had wanted to take.. and that was that. She figured she might update later, than again - she might not get around to it. Oh well, she thought.. and with that she clicked the "update journal" button..
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| i just want someone to see past that for once.. |
[17 Oct 2004|04:01pm] |
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] |
i faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor
where i laid and told you but you sweared you loved me more
do you care if i dont know what to say
will you sleep tonight, or will you think of me
will i shake this off, pretend its all okay
that theres someone out there who feels just like me
there is ..<3
Michelle turned over in her bed, just as the phone rang. She opened her eyes, and managed to look at the called id.. Matt. She smiled, and picked up the phone.. She moaned.. "You sleeping?" Matt asked.. "Well, I'm not now." she said.. "Obviously.." He teased.. "What time is it?" She asked him.. "11:30.." he told her. "Wow, I slept late.." She said, kind of glad she got her sleep. Michelle didn't mind being woken up by his call.. if it was anyone else she would have been a little annoyed, but it was different- it was Matt, and hearing his voice was enough for her. They talked for a while, until he left to go out with his dad to the mall - and than Michelle went to shower.
She undressed, and slipped into the nice, hot shower. The water felt so good running down her body, wetting her hair and her skin. It was relaxing. She needed that. So, Michelle washer her hair and body, shaved and than got out. She wraped her body in her green towel, and her hair in the pink one.. than went to her room and turned on her music, but this time - didn't put it too loud. She took a deep breath, and looked out her window. For the past couple of days, there has been a lot on her mind.. she kind of knew why, but wasn't exactly sure why she was so bummed, she should be happy. Than again, she thought - maybe it will pass. It all was going to pass, it always did.. she knew it. She looked threw her closet for clothes, than a song came on and she realized that he was on her mind too, but he was what made her happy. Maybe, she just missed him. She sighed, well - She thought.. I've made it this far.. It won't be that hard - and tomorrows Monday again. I can see him in school, and than - before I know it - it will be saturday. Thank god - she thought. Two weeks is a while, especially since this whole thing had just pretty much begun. Michelle knew in her head she couldn't wait until they could hang out outside of school again. The phone rang, It was her mother.
"Hey Mom.. What's up?" she said.. "Oh, nothing really - whats going on?" her mother asked casually.. "Eh, nothin`.." She responded. "Is dad around? Or your brother?" she questioned.. "Nope, Dad just went out to the store and uhmm, I'm not sure exactly where Vin is.." Michelle told her. "Oh, okay than - i'll talk to you later.. and give your brother a call I guess." She said.. "Okay, bye mom." Michelle told her. "Bye, Love you." "Bye mom, love you too." Click. Michelle hung up the phone. It was weird when her mom went away.. Michelle didn't like being the only girl in the house.. Her dad and brother weren't exactly the best at keeping the house okay when her mom went away. Boys - figures... she said to herself... She looked at the time.. Put her hair up in a bun, and her stomach started growling.. humm, I guess that means it's lunch time she said to herself. She found something to eat.. than went and watched tee vee..
Today has been a weird day. I've got a lot on my mind.. humm, I don't know. I slept late this afternoon, until Matt woke me up that is.. but that's okay. I got up and showered and what not.. I just hung out around my houseee, I didn't really do anything today. Yeah, so.. that was it. I talked on the phone with Matt - as always. And Melissa called as well, she came home today, and we went out to outback for dinner. Goodtimes, thats my girlll.. it was good to have her back. Hmm, I spoke with Matt on the phone, than he left me. I hung around, my moms now home.. and uhmm, now i'm on the phone with Matty yet again, and I'm watching the yankee game as well as doing English homework.. awesome. not. But, he's the best. Mmkay, I guess that's it for now.. talk to you all tomorrow.. i love you. byee.
..Michelle yawned, and looked up at the screen, 2-0 yankees. Yes, they were winning again. Well, she thought.. time to finish her English homework. She figured she'd stay on the phone with Matt until she went to sleep.. Yeah, that was the plan....and with that, she clicked the "Update Journal" button, was somewhat satisified, and was finished..
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[14 Oct 2004|10:34pm] |
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Oh baby know what your like?
You're like my favorite underwear
It just feels right, you know it
Oh baby know how you feel?
You feel like my favorite underwear
And I'm slipping you on again tonight
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michelle rolled over in bed and awoke to her alarm buzzing in her ear. She streched out and reached for her alarm clock to push snooze.. she'd give anything for another couple of hours in bed but knew she couldn't get that. Another ten minutes, no.. she had to get up now. She streched out and finally pulled herself out of bed, down her ladder.. and into the bathroom. Turning on the hot water, she washed her face, changed it to cold and grabbed a toothbrush. She looked up at the mirror.. her hair was a mess, her face wasn't much better.. she spit, rinsed out her mouth and turned off the water than grabed her hair straightener. Time to do my hair, she thought to herself. Next was the make-up and than finally, she put on her black tank top with her pink three quater sleeved, button down shirt over it, and got into her black jeans. Rushing, she threw everything she needed into her Louis Viton bag, grabed her keys and shoes and finally got in the car with her mother. They picked up Gen and than the day began.
At her locker she put her things away and looked through books and her schedule to see what she needed. She looked up once or twice just to say hi to a few friends.. and soon Matt appeared at her side. He made her smile, he always did. That was one of the many things that had her attracted to him. Today he wore all white, white pants and a white beater.. he had on a grey sweatshirt in the morning too. She smelt the scent of his collogne - this was something she recognized- the smell of him, she always liked it. Something else that she enjoyed. Michelle talked to Matt, Kevin, Mark, and a few other people before going to class. The bell rang, she looked at Matt, he leaned in - and with that a kiss and a "i'll see you later". Than she was off to English. Periods 1 and 2 went by.. than came 3,4,5,6,7..8 and 9. Today wasn't bad she thought to herself as she was going threw her books yet again at her locker, but this time - at the end of the day. Melissa was at her side, laughing and making jokes - as always Melissa was what kept her sane most of the time. Than came the boys; Matt, Andrew, and Kevin. Being idiots they took one of Michelle's shoes and threw it around the halls. She smiled, laughed a bit - than talked with Melissa about everything. The boys, g-d how they always had her laughing - even when she wanted to kill them. Gen took her home, along with Eric, as always and this time, Matt came back to her house too - even though he WAS grounded.. they figured her mom wouldn't mind taking him home when she was back from work - she never minded, she loves Matt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah, today was a busy day. I felt like I had a lot of work, heck - I still do. Homework now, yuck. But, seeing Matt after school - outside of school was nice, even if it was just for a little while. He always makes me smile, I think I'm starting to trust him more and more now.. yeah, I am. I know I am. I knew I would, it just will take time for me to open up completly after things that have happened in the past with other people - I guess it kind of created some kind of fear for me. Tonight I found myself questioning some things, nothing bad - but it just had me.. thinking. Well, All I have to do now is finish up two more global questions, type up an English essay and type up something for Matt for his English class. I sware, the work never ends.. and - I'm exhaused and could really use the sleep right now. Sigh, whatever. School work is more important than a girl getting her rest I suppose. Hey, major catching up with sleep this weekend - I think so. Well, I'll talk to you all sometime tomorrow. Goodnight and sweetdreams. I love you.<3
Yeah.. I still am thinking I guess..
Michelle Lynn.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michelle yawned, than looked at the time. 11:00pm, great she thought and I still have more work to do. She sighed, than clicked "Update Journal".. and that was it, until tomorrow. And than - her last thought was to ask herself, Is it safe to let myself fall for him..?
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| LETS GO YANKEES! =] WOO! HAHAA.. |
[13 Oct 2004|08:19pm] |
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..Wednesday. This morning it took me forever to get up. I finally got up, got moving, got um - kinda decent and than headed to school for the day. it was alright. the day seemed as if it lasted forever but finally ninth period came and went, gen took me home and than hey, 3:30 it was time for work. awesome! NOT. i went to work, it was an amazingly slow day so i just sat and drew.. i made a dress that i'm thinking i might actually use for like my sweet sixteen or JB or something. it came out really cool. uhmm, i got home around 6:3o, ate dinner.. my matt called around 7ish and i talked on the phone with him while doing homework and whatever else. i got off with him around 8ish.. showered, and than he called me back again. we talked, i put away summer clothes and got out fall and winter ones, watched the yankee game and uhh, i guess that's really my night.
the yankee game is on now, its the top of the 9th inning, the red sox [ew, gross!] are up at bat there's one out.. and the score is 3-1 ,yankees of course.. let's hope for another win! WOO! LETS GO YANKEES! hahaa =] you know it.. mmkay, i'm gonna get goin`.. than i'll hit the sack when the games over. be back to update tomorrow probably. goodnight and sweetdreams. lm1.. bye, i love you.<3
xOx,MiCHELLE.
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| i DON`T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO - i CAN`T GO ON NOT LOViN` YOU.. |
[12 Oct 2004|01:15pm] |
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mood |
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..oy, i haven't updated in quite a while.. shit, october 6th.. that was last wednesday. so i guess i should start with thursday, october 7th than.
october 7th [thursday]-> school will be school as always. i had a kinda busy day today but, it was okay. after school i came home for a bit, chilled, ate like a fatt ass- what else is new? than at 4:oo went to meet meliss back at the HS to watch the boys soccer game vs. CI which we totally kicked ass, good game boys. umm, matt called me sometime in the middle of the game he was um.. well he left his house. long story, dont wanna get into on my journal, lol.. and um, i told him to go to my house and just chill and i'd be home around 5:30ish.. so he did. i came home and everyone was in the den. cool man? lol.. umm, we talked than my mom, matt, and i all went to get KFC for dinner, got it- came home, ate.. than matt and i headed upstairs to hang out :] good times. oy, matt what am i gonna do with you? lol.. hmm, yeah so i got in the shower and matt did umm whatever and uh, matt spent the night at my house.. since he um, left home. yeah, that would make sence.. mmkay, we went to bed around 11ish, school was in the am.. woo? not. byee, goodnight and sweetdreams.<3
october 8th [friday]-> i got up early, got dressed, than woke matt up, he got in the shower, i did my hair and a little make up, was rushed out, picked up gen.. and than off to school it was. it was a decent day i guess. a little long, i had a bad cough, but other than that - it was okay i guess. after school i had work so um, matt went who knows where, at the time i had no clue where he was or where he'd be going.. which kinda had me a little.. frustrated, confused, i dunno. and um yeah later on at work i got a call from him - he was at mike minovich's. i got home from work around 6:3oish.. cool. um, came home- mell came over we "went to the homecomming dance for about 15 minutes".. went to mikes and picked up my matt.. um, came back to my house and we all hung out here. woo! party!! lol, we're all losers, i know. it was funn.. mell passed out.. matt and i passed out later on that night.. and hey, he kept me up like until 1am and i needed to get up at 8am to be ready for work at 9. thanks matt.. lol. yeah, goodnightt.<3
october 9th [saturday]-> i got up at 8:oo to start getting ready for work, was gonna wake up matt but i felt bad and let him sleep, and ended up being at work at 9. um, i worked - cool? not. and got stuck there until 2:3o.. i hate my life. my mom and matt came to pick me up at 1:3o but my boss made me stay.. ugh, asshole. and umm.,matt was at my house until than i guess.. than cortina picked him up and they did whatever. i got outa work around 2:3o, came home and washed up, got dressed, touched up on make up and hair than met matt, and mike cortina at homecomming around 3ish.. i also met up with meliss and other people. coolness.. homecomming was alright. we lost, what else is new? people faught, there was drama.. hi, welcome to commack. lol.. um, sarah [mells sis was home!! yayy!! hahaa] took matt home - yes, matt went home.. bye babe.. ttys? i hope. than dropped mell and i back at my house.. thanks sar, bye - see ya` soon, have fun back at school. mell and i hung out, ate like fattys.. i found out my matt was grounded for two weeks.. and um, yeah. cool. later that night lexi came over.. me mell and lex chilled around my house, had some crazy ass funny times, as always. boy, do i love my girls. than later on cortina and jeff showed upp.. hello boys. we all hung out out on my driveway, ended up walking to mayfair and whatever.. and i guess they left around 11:3o and than mell and lexi left me. bye, love ya`ll.. than i stayed up for a bit, and finally it was time for bed. goodnight and sweetdreams.<3
october 10th [sunday]-> i woke up around 1osh, showered, matt called and i talked to him for a bit on the phone cause he's my favorite. and than i rushed to be ready by the time lex came with her dad, parker [her brother], and meliss to go upstate and go APPLE PICKING! hell yeahh babyyy. umm, matt came by to get his stuff around 12ish.. :/ i only got to see him for a little bit. sigh, its no fair. but he got his stuff, we talked a little.. than he left. bye matt, see you in school.. boo. 14 days, eek. mmkay, so um lex and them came to get me around 12:3o.. we left and headed upstate with our hour and a half car drive! CRAZY SHIT! hahaa.. some good pictures and g-d sooo many good times i cant even get into them all. apple ppicking was insanee and we defintly have to do that again next year, lmao.. i love you girls. we got home around 5ish and all went back to lexi's dads house.. we made apple pie, hung out, took more pictures, had some fun.. ate pizza and watched tee vee. good sheitt. hmm, i guess i got home from there around 8ish with my pie and 25 pounds of apples.. lmao. um, sometime later i walked and met up with kevv, we hung out he showed me some of his quad stuff on my computer, we watched mean girls.. lmao.. and matt called and we talked to him. kevv left around 1130ish, bye kevv - good to see ya` again xox.. hmm, i talked with my matt some more :] and than i hit the sack for the night. sweetdreamss..<3
october 11th [monday]-> i got up in the morning, showered and got decent. did my hair and make up, found clothes and than went to the mall with my bitch and my second mom, ann. ahh good times. i had fun, it was good to walk around and shop and what not. i got a few things, mell and i got major holloween costume ideas and it was cool. they droped me off back home around 4ish.. mell had pt i just hung out.. did whatevv.. we had to take mell back home from pt - long story. blahh. i hung around, did some hw, watched tee vee, talked with matt.. and than showered.. talked with matt some more.. and than went to sleep with a major headache.. yeah, i felt like shiett. it sucked. whatevv.. night.<3
october 12th [tuesday] today -> school again. ick. but, i got to see matt which is always a plus :].. hmm, school was alright i suppose. i made it threw the day and than gen took me home and here i am. i came home, ate like a fatt ass, watched tee vee.. than came online, talked to people, downloaded and listened to music.. and than decided to do an update on this thing.. than i think when im done im gonna take a nap, eat dinner than later go into huntington to get my northface shit with my mommie. :] yayy, im so excited. mmkay well the cells on and i guess i'll update whenever i get a chance to next.. i really gotta try to keep up on this thingg. mmkay, ttyl.. byee.. love you babe.<3
xOx,michelle.
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| this Ones fOr dave.. |
[06 Oct 2004|07:25pm] |
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..sOo amazingly sick. this is disgusting. today was a long day and i felt like i was going to die in school, well actually - i would have been lucky. but, i pulled threw until 7th period where i gave up, called my mom, and melissa's mom -> my second mom -> ann came and picked me up and took me home. thank you ann, you rock. lol.. so yeah, i got home - and passed out. yes, i slept from 2:ooish to about 5pm.. when my matt called me and woke me up. um, i talked to matt for a while :] until he left me to go sleep. night ;] hahaa. umm, my mom made me eat dinner around 6ish.. i went to sleep and woke up choking, coughing and all that wonderfull stuff - i coulddnt breath. got up, talked to matt i think some more.. talked to meliss.. talked to gen.. talked to.. people online too. it was a night full of being sick. yay? not..
hmm, i talked online - layed on the floor dead. listened to music, and did whatever homework i could. wonderfull. and i'm sOo amazingly sick it's not cool at all. they think it's the flu - sOo, i'm druged up on sOo many meds and i'm hOping i just pass the fucc out later.
i guess that's it for now. like i said, i just was doing an update for the coolest person ever - dave. and btw, the song of the day - was reccomended by him - just like in the good ol' days ;] you know it. mmkay, im gonna go.. probably on the phOne with matt fOr a little, than sleep for the night. ahh, sleep is good - sleep is amazing. and than.. schOOl in the mOrning, sigh.. i really hate being sick.. goodnight :/
xOx,michelle.
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| im dying tO explain my heart tO yOu nOw.. |
[05 Oct 2004|03:41pm] |
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..it's only tuesday. sigh - 3 more days to get through, hopefully i make it and hopefully it goes by quickly. man, i never update anymore, what's the deal with that? hmm, welp, school takes over my life - that just MIGHT be it.. maybe.
monday [yesterday] it was cold. i was sick, it wasn't good but - i got to see matt again :] which was a plus.. yes, fatty is home. hahaa, kiddinggg. hmm, so yeah - school was school as always. what else is new. after school i went to the weight room with gen - woo? it was arite.. i feel like i didnt do anything yet, my legs are amazingly sore. which is cool, not. umm, after that i went running with gen for a little.. woo? than we went back into the school, went to the lockers - you know the deal. gens mom came and picked us up, than dropped me off. awesome. i came home, pissed off- and showered. my cousin was here, shes cute i love it.. i hung out with her for a bit. matt called or something like that, we decided he was comming here.. i took my cousin to gymnastics, came back home - did whatever. than matt was here around 6ish i guess. we hung out in my room, and in my old room - you know how we do. wow, never again.. lol it was a good time. i even made cookies.. ha! but matt put one in my milk :[ jerk. hahaa, hmm yeah so we hung out until he left me around 9ish i guess - it was a good time. byee matt ;] hmm, i went online, talked for a bit.. got in the shower yet again cause well, i dotn wanna talk about it.. came back online did the least amount of homework as possible.. and just hung around - and finally hit the sack around 11ish. goodnight and sweetdreams, love ya` <3..
tuesday [today] it was cold, again. and hey, i was up at 5am to get ready to be at the school by 6:15 so i could work out again.. woo? awesome. yeah, i guess thats what ya` hafta do sometimes. hmm, yeah so it was a long morning - and a long day of school. i feel like today went very slowly.. oh well. hmm, after school gens mom took us to national jeans - i got pants, thank you :] and than she took me home.. which leads me to when i sat down, turned on my computer- got an apple - talked to people online, and now im making more food cause im still hungry cause an apple isnt even a snack.. lol fattys gottta eat.. haa.. umm for the rest of the night i shall sit on my ass, and later - from like 8 to 11 i'll be watching tee vee because tonight is the gilmore girls, one tree hill, real world, and laguna beach night. woo!! and as matt says, half the tee vee guide will be on my away message ;] goodtimes lol.. than ill shower, do my hair, maybe pick out clothes, do some online talking - than i'll hit the sack for the night..
..mmkay, i guess that's it - maybe if i get a chance ill update tomorrow - who knows. if not, talk to ya'll later in the week or something. cells on if you wanna reach me and you can always call the house if it makes you happy. aritee - talk to ya'll whenever. byee, love ya`..
xox, michelle.
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| i wanna give you - whatever you need.. what is it you need, is it with in me.. |
[30 Sep 2004|07:14pm] |
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] |
hmm, i dunno -- i really dont have too much time to update this thing anymore. school has been school as always. monday i left early cause i've felt like shit since saturday and couldnt pull threw the day on monday.. tuesday i completly stayed home and missed the whole day.. i slept until around 2:00 and woke up cause my brothers gf got home.. and after school was out matt came over and visited me :) which made me smile.. he stayed for a while.. than i went to bed at like 10.. went to school wednesday.. than fuckin got stuck goin to work.. felt like shit.. passed out.. opps lol.. umm came home - passed out.. ate dinner.. than went to matts for the night :) yay he's my favorite.. hmm, came home around 10ish.. hung out, talked online or whatever - than hit the sack.. than today - thursday, i went into school, it was.. school but a not too bad day. my matt left me today :( i was very upset.. he left like 7th period to go to jersey but than didnt actually leave commack until around 5ish i guess.. i miss him already :/ no fair.. umm, blah.. i went to the boys soccer game with gen and mark and got home around 6ish.. ate chinesse food.. and now im about ready for bed.. but i still have LOADS of homework to do for tomorrow..
ughh!! i gotta go do amazing amounts of homework. i hate my life. andd i still feel like shit - yess im STILL sick - and my matt is gone and i wont see him untill like sunday or monday.. and i dont wanna be doing hw right now ahh!! i hate being sick!! ahh!!
cells on if you want.. ill update whenever i get a chance.. talk to ya'll umm - whenever.. sorry i like NEVER update anymore.. not that anyone comments or anything lol.. okay yeah soo.. im gonna get goin`.. bye, love ya`..
xox, michelle.
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[26 Sep 2004|05:06pm] |
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..haven't updated in a lonngg time. umm, its been a while and i really dont feel like sitting here and writing about everything that i've missed on but it's been crazy.. and its been interesting. things finally started to settle down and i thought something would go right for once.. i dunno, it might.. but i guess we'll see..
yesterday was insane. the day started off slow, i had work in the morning from 9-1 in the afternoon umm i got home, chilled.. showered, whatever- umm made plans with heather, found out about a party- talked to gen.. gen came over.. we got decent.. got taco bell for dinner and than headed to heathers around 6ish.. we took mad pictures, were crazy crack monkies, and hung out until mudge and darpino got there- than we headed to cedar. all i can say is, what the fuccckkk. hahaa, the night was amazingly crazy [if you take out all the drama] and i will say, i had a sickk time - umm we walked back to heathers around 11ish.. i wont even get into it.. gen passed out first, than matt and i, than heather.. in the morning- woww. i felt like sheittt. i dont wanna talk about it.. lol. matt left to go to applebees for his football carwash, than gen and i left to come back to my house cause we felt like assshooleee.. lol. bye bye heather, thanks for lettin` us stay - love you girl. sorry :[ im gay..
i got home with gen, we showered, just pretty much relaxed.. like i said, i felt like sheitt.. went to get pizza and what not.. umm walked around - whatever.. mark met up wit` us, he's awesome :] all three of us hung out, i died gens hair, umm yeah.. now im doin this thing quick and ill probabaly be passed out mad early tonight cause i feel like sheeeittt.. mmkay, im done. talk to ya'll whenever i feel like or get to update again.. bye, love youu..
xox, michelle.
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| and some day, if ever you loved me you'd say - it's okay.. |
[22 Sep 2004|11:11pm] |
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..hmm, school was school - as always. i mean, what else is new? nothing worth updating about at least.. umm, gen took me home - as always.. as well as eric and a new one, mike draddy. woo hoo! hahaa.. umm i came home and ate something quick, than cleaned up and got a bit decent than it was off to work by around 3:30ish- woo?.. it was a slow day at work and kinda boring too. yepp.. that it was. i got off at 6:30 - my mom picked me up, i got home, ate dinner, and than got hit with the massive load of homework. yay? ugh, i hate homework. i talked online, tryed to do as much as i could.. got most of it done than gave up.. and left the rest of it for study hall tomorrow and just talked online..lol.. woo..
umm, so yeah, it was a boring long day overall.. later on i just kinda, hung out.. did more homework so i didnt have to rush threw it all tomorrow in study hall.. than eventually, i took a shower, watched some tee vee- came back online and talked to people some more, rocked out to music, did some downloading of music as well.. umm the highlight of my night is that tomorrow- i believe i am hanging out with matt mcgurk.. somewhere - lol we still havent decided.. and than, this friday me and heather are having a sleepover woo hoo!! hahaa, shes my favoritest and i'm wayyy excited.. yay :] .. i love her<3..
umm yeah there isn't too much to write about really.. and i dont really think that i feel like updating or writing too much eihter.. blahhh.. mmkay- i guess thats it.. im gonna go do whatever.. maybe ill update sometime tomorrow if i feel like it.. byee - cells on if ya` wanna reach me.. goodnight nd` sweetdreams.. love ya` babe..
xox, michelle.
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| i use to hang on every word- each lie was more ubsurd.. |
[21 Sep 2004|04:40pm] |
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hmm, i didn't get around to updating the other day. school was school, as always- theres never much to say about that. my melissa wasn't there though because she had her surgery at 11 :[ boo.. but i came home after school, went online, talked to people- heard from sarah that mell would be home around 5ish.. of course, mell called me first thing when she got home.. everything went well which i was happy to hear :] and i talked to her than we decided i'd be going there after my ortho appt.. woo!!
..around 6ish i headed out to the ortho, he told me my teeth were not georgous, not perfect, they were art! lmao, woww. so yeah- the ortho was good i guess.. than i went picked up mells flowers and headed over there wit` my books and her gift :] yayyy.. i gave her her flowers, talked, saw how she was- than for the rest of the night, i did homework, chilled there, and stayed wit` my girll :] wooo hoo..
i came home around 10:30 - chilled in my room, went online, wrote something to someone, talked to arissa :] she rocks.. umm showererd, did whatever- than hit the sack around 12ish i guess. goodnight and sweetdreams<3 love ya` kidds..
today- school was school. same old. i didnt wanna be there and it was boring. jess nd` i took our pictures today - woo? i have a feeling they came out like crap. oh well.. umm, hmm what else- nothing really. now im sitting home hanging out and i thinnk i might just relax for the rest of the day. im really tired.. yeahh- so i guess that's it.. maybe if i get time to tonight, i'll update if anything interesting goes on.. i doubt it though.. okay.. ttyl.. love ya` babe.. byee..
xox,michelle.
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[19 Sep 2004|04:42pm] |
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"Welcome To My Life"
do you ever feel like breaking down?
do you ever feel out of place?
like somehow you just don't belong
nd` no one understands you?
do you ever wanna run away?
do you lock yourself in your room
with the radio on turned up so loud
nd` no one hears you screaming
no you don't know what it's like
when nothing feels alright
you don't know what it's like
to be like me..
to be hurt, to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked when you're down
to feel like you've been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down
nd` no one's there to save you
no you don't know what it's like
..welcome to my life.
do you wanna be somebody else?
are you sick of feeling so left out?
are you desperate to find something more
before your life is over?
are you stuck inside a world you hate?
are you sick of everyone around?
with the big fake smiles nd` stupid lies
while deep inside your bleeding
no you don't know what it's like
when nothing feels alright
you don't know what it's like
to be like me..
to be hurt, to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked when you're down
to feel like you've been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down
nd` no one's there to save you
no you don't know what it's like
..welcome to my life.
no one ever lied straight to your face
no one ever stabed you in the back
you might think I'm happy
but i'm not gonna be ok
everybody always gave you what you wanted
you never had to work it was always there
you don't know what it's like
what it's like
to be hurt, to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked when you're down
to feel like you've been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down
nd'no one's there to save you
no you don't know what it's like
to be hurt, to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked when you're down
to feel like you've been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down
nd` no one's there to save you
no you don't know what it's like
..welcome to my life.
i don`t feel like writing much.i have my reasons. but i will say this.. meliss, thank you so much for comming by tonight nd` just being there for me. your the best- nd` i know that. always stay you. i love you. thank you for everything. love ya` girl..
xoxo,michelle.
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| porno dvds nd` see threw underware - i shoulda saved all that for ya` sis`.. |
[18 Sep 2004|01:25pm] |
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hmm, first things first ->
happy birthday marisa.<3 ;]
i haven't updated about my day in a while- just kinda wrote about certain events or things that were on my mind. well, first off.. i'd like to say, gladly- andrew nd` i are talking again. nd` i will say, i missed him nd` it's AMAZiNG to have him back. kanga nd` rew for life.. wow, goodtimes. yes, i know- we are losers. well, we spent a good deal of time on the phone the other day- got everything out in the open nd` now i'm gonna hope for the best.. there's one thing i know though- i ain`t gonna give up my best friend of five years over a stupid thing like this. so andrew, it's good to have you back. nd` now i finally realize, i have the best- nd` couldn't ask for anything better - cause` it simply dosn't exist. :]
well.. yesterday i had work from 4:oo to 6:3oish.. than after that i came home, made plans wit` mell nd` people.. talked wit` andrew - nd` than was getting ready to go out- but it turned out everyone ended up at my house. woo hoo hahaa.. it was mell, lex, emily, anna, nd` myself. crazy shit. i think we mighta scared emily nd` anna a bit - but its okayy. it was fun nd` finally i felt close wit` mell nd` lex again. i missed it, a lot. nd` it's great to have the two of them back - no no, it''s great to have the three of us back- comfotably, laughing, smiling, just hanging out.. us three. the three musketeers- "all for one nd` one for all".. :] like i said, i had a great time. i love you girls to death.
everyone was gone around 11:30ish- than i was online talked to people- matt mcgurk nd` i had some nice chats.. hahaa we were both soooo overtired nd` obviously needed.. hahaa, but i had a good laugh. hahaa, yeahh yeahh.. i won't even get into it. i talked wit` mell nd` lex as well.. wow do i love those girls. nd` than finally around 1am - i went to bed. goodnight nd` sweetdreams loves. <3
this morning i was up at 8am to get ready for work. woo? it was wayyyy too early for this- nd` it was pouring- wonderfull. so i threw my hair up in a bun, did some quick make-up.. threw on a sweatshirt nd` a pair of decent pants, grabed my diesel shoes, a book nd` my cell- nd` i was off. i just got home not too long ago, it's` 1:3oish now.. nd` i'm chillin` home - relaxing, nd` waiting for THE MELLINATOR. DUN DUN DUNN.. okay, okay - never.. ever.. again. hahaa, woww. see i need more sleep these days. yeahh -> so i'm waitin` for meliss to get here, than we're takin` a walk to get a present for marissa.. nd` than it's off to see the bday girl.. yayy!! hahaa.. mmkayy..
well, i guess that's it- imma` get goin` nd` try nd` get somewhat decent or whatever.. i'll update sometime tonight if i get a chance. mmkay, ttyl.. love ya` byee..
xoxo,michelle.
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| i know so well that you can list you`re friends, but you can`t count on them.. |
[17 Sep 2004|11:43am] |
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you should have been here months ago with open arms and a honest face.
to you - you come here one night nd` we talk nd` you say how you're sorry nd` you miss me nd` all this shit.. you made me think that maybe you actually did somewhat care about me.. nd` you say we'll hang out the next day. the next day came nd` went- that was yesterday. nd` you were no where to be found. at all. i talk to you later that night, you say you had things to do. i accept that nd` ask about hanging out today- you tell me yeah i'll let you know. once again, as it seems to me- you have other.. more important, better things to do. nd` someone else comes into play- as your away message shows. honestly, do you think this is some kind of game? if you knew you wouldn`t make things how they were nd` fix them, than why the hell would you even bother comming by nd` apologizing nd` saying you missed me. unless.. you only did that `cause at the time there were things that were altering your thinking. nd` you couldn't or weren't thinking straight. all i have to say, is im done IMing you online or calling you, or asking you to hang out. fuck it.. if you wanna fix this- you can do it yourself. you can call me, you can im me, you can try to hang out. i give up nd` im tired of being let down nd` hurt. don`t say shit unless you mean it. ugh...
and to you too - i've forgiven you already nd` you didn't even approach or talk to me yet. i can't be mad at you nd` you know that.. maybe you`re using that to you`re advantage? and using it to my dissadvantage?.. well you win if you are. nd` you also suck if you are. it's hard to believe that i would let myself get so wrapped up in you. i mean- five years.. it's kind of hard not to be. but- you obviously don`t seem to feel the same about our friendship as i do.. the harder i push the farther i fall. this is ridiculous. honestly, what are your intentions? is this all a game to you? do you think you can come nd` go whenever you please nd` whenever it's convientient for you. just to let you know- eventually i will get fed up nd` i will give up nd` walk away for good.. weather you would like to believe that or not. i will. right now, you have no idea how much i wanna pick up the phone just to hear you're voice.. just to say anything.. just to have that comfort- thats what it is to me.. just to know you're still there. but i can't nd` i won't.. i refuse to be the one who makes the effort- i'm always the one who makes the effort. although, it seems as if you only want to talk to me when you're in the area- nd` you have nothing better to do.. i guess since the night you came by nd` i was out - since then.. i guess you've had better, more important things to do. all i have to say, is that i have the feeling that this is hurting me a lot more than it's hurting you. a whole lot. i think that you're absolutly content nd` happy with you're life.. nd` i think the thing that scares me most- is the fact that i'm starting to realize nd` think that you don't even need me.. that you'd be fine without me... nd` although i'm sure you'd tell me different.. you still have yet to prove that to me. now you know what i think.. if you think i'm wrong- prove it. i dare you. actually, i'm begging you- to prove it to me. nd` guess what- as you're fine.. living happy.. i'm sitting here crying. wanting to do the one thing that i promised you i'd stop doing.. but hey, you've broken enough promises to me - you've lied enough times.. whats the difference if i just brake one promise to you? i don't know.. at this point.. i just might have to do it. ugh... nd` why do i feel like i should be the one saying i'm sorry?.. :'[
yeah, i know. i'm broken. i'm ruined. i'm fucked up. yeah. i know it all.
whatever. i'm going.. goobye.
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| open up you`re mind nd` than open up you`re heart.. |
[17 Sep 2004|10:05am] |
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i haven't updated in a while.. umm,i don't even want to talk about the past two or three days of updating, i don`t nd` can`t even get into that.. yeahh.
not yesterday, but the day before- i don`t remember what i did in the day- hahaa. but that night i went to my girls house :] heather's. oh boy, do i love heather. we walked around her neighboorhood- we were looking for ortiz nd` johnny mac.. but never found them cause` as it turned out when we called john's house.. umm, he didn`t feel well nd` went to sleep. awwwww how cute. hahaaa, poor babiee. so yeah, we wandered around some more than headed back to heathers. than my mommy called nd` told me that people came to my house looking for me tonight- it was andrew nd` matt mcgurk. they wanted to talk to me - as i later found out. hmm, i was at heathers nd than kevv called me -weird. he apologized for stuff, it was cute. it was around 11, heather nd` i wateched tee vee nd` chilled - but than my mommiee showed up, boo. bye heatherr.. i love you girll<3 i came home, around 12ish kevv walked here to talk to me, we talked nd` figured stuff out. i have one of my friends back now :] yay. so that was good- regardless of some other things that i wont get into. ha.. umm than i kept missing matt nd` andrew- they called at like 2am cause` they were gonna come by nd` get me but i didnt pick up my phone. hmm, nd` i guess that's it. i went to bed sometime around 3ish.. goodnight nd` sweetdreams.
um, i'll just go wit` what i did yesterday. i got up around 10ish i guess nd` hung around the house watchin` tee vee home alone nd` what not.. woo? i talked online nd` on the phone wit` people until my family got home around 1.. hmm, what next? i guess i talked online wit` people nd` ended up making plans wit` my mark. :] i went to his housse around 3:30 nd` hung out wit` him nd` sergio... woo hoo! hahaa, it was funn.. we ended up walking to nathans for lunch than went over to seerg's neighboorhood hoping to find ben.. but never did. ben never came home.. ben made me very upset. im angry with ben. hmm- we hung around at north ridge nd` what not - did whatevv.. mell showed up around 7 or 8ish i guess.. we hung out wit` steff for a little bit, she gave me a sweatshirt nd` bugspray :] shes a savior. nd` than we went back out into the wild. sergio showed up wit` his brother nd` whoever else.. i dont really wanna talk about it.. we went to 7-11 whatever.. than back to sergios but mell nd` i left after that.. around 9ish i guess. i dont wanna talk about it. we came back to my house, woo hoo- talked to mamaa.. good times, good times. made some mac nd` cheese woo hoo! hahaa, watched tee vee nd` hung out. mells mamaa came around 11ish, bye mell i lovee youu. nd` i was up online talkin` wit` whoever until like 1am i guess. than it was off to bed for me. goodnight nd` sweetdreams.<3
so far, today.. i got up around 9:40ish..washed up nd` came online.. grabed a bite to eat, talked.. blahh.. now i think im gonna go shower nd` get ready for the day- do whatever. than i'm off to work at 4:00 until 6:30ish nd` than who knows what will go down tonight. woo hoo? hahaa.. hmm, yeah i guess that`s it for now. time to shower. talk to ya`ll sometime later. byee, i love you.
xoxo, michelle.
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